Strangers in Seattle

I spend so much time trying to look unapproachable, I mean I legitimately make an effort to avoid eye contact and always wear headphones in public, but for some reason people cannot stop talking to me.  Even on my grumpiest days I have homeless guys saying to me "hey, you dropped something! ........ your smile."  Although, I guess... if I didn't look grumpy... that probably wouldn't have happened...

ANYWAY.

The point is it was happening so frequently, I started writing it down... Yup, I'm that lame.  The problem is, it's happened so many times that I literally have about twenty encounters to report by now.

The best thing about this post is that it was going to be just five of them today - but then something happened which demonstrates my point so perfectly, that I had to change that.

ENJOY!

1. The cute little guy who sounded like Mickey Mouse and looked like a little old man disney character.

Let me paint you a little picture...

January 2017, I was new to Seattle from England and therefore prepared to be ignored by everyone.

So, there I was, on my way to the library to finish an essay.  I put on my best gym clothes and scruffy jumper combination, scraped my hair into a messy ponytail, maybe put some tinted moisturiser and a bit of mascara on, put my headphones in and left my apartment to walk to the bus stop.  It was a nice day, pretty cold, but dry and sunny and I  didn't have to attempt running because I was early - okay, okay, no one's going to believe that - the bus was late.

There's a little pharmacy/convenience store right next to the bus stop and as I crossed the road towards it, a man was leaving the store.  He was very short, especially in comparison to me because I am a giant, and he was very old and pale.  He was probably no taller than 5'3, with a little head and very wrinkly skin; he kind of looked like a tortoise and walked with a little bit of a limp.  May or may not have been homeless, not that it matters, but he was pretty scruffily dressed.  I'm just setting the scene here.

I wasn't really paying much attention to him at this point, because I was in Jamieland and no one else is allowed there, but as I got closer I realised he was talking to me.  So I took my headphones out and all I heard is the end of his sentence

"...absolutely gorgeous"

"... what?" I said, assuming he was talking about the weather.

"you're beautiful!" he said, in a voice that strongly resembled that of Mickey Mouse, "absolutely gorgeous!"

At this point, I should probably point out that he was wearing glasses, and like I said, he was very old, so we already know he's visually impaired to some degree...

"oh awww.. thanks" I probably responded something much more awkward than that...

"I'm serious - if your man doesn't tell you that every day, he's an idiot!"

My man........ So that's when I started laughing because pleeeease! Who would date me? ...

No, really... Any volunteers? ...

So, then I walked about two meters to the bus stop and he sat down about three meters away on a wall and I felt very uncomfortable about the whole situation because the bus, which I previously assumed was on my side, was now a good seven minutes late.

As I was waiting, a couple more people came to stand near me to wait for the bus and out of the corner of my eye I saw a guy on a bike talking to Mickey Mouse Man.  Clearly they were friends, and that's when I saw Mickey Mouse Man pointing me out to his friend, to which I just awkwardly waved and kind of laughed and everyone near me was just like "what...?".  Then they rode off together on their bikes and he shouted "See you later, beautiful!" as he rode by.

The seven or eight other people who were there by that point gave me some weird looks, but whatever, little old men think I'm pretty.

2. "MMMM DAMNNN" guy

The next four happened about a week or two later, when I was starting to realise my resting bitch face doesn't work here...

Not much to report about this specific encounter, and honestly I would've left it out but there was something about this day that made EVERYONE talk to me.

It was just your average rainy Saturday in Seattle. I was on my way to meet Hannah in order to go Downtown to check out some museums and stuff.  It was raining quite a bit and I was about to get on the bus, but the bus driver was like "Stop" and put his hand out.  I was preparing for hammer time... that wasn't what happened.

I saw an old, black man, with a hat, sunglasses and a walker, slowly making his way off the front of the bus.  I waited in the rain and put my hood down as he passed me, about to enter the bus.  This is when he looked up, presumably to thank me for waiting before he changed to "MMMMM... DAMNNN" and muttered something else which I didn't catch as he wandered on by.

I know I should feel objectified and offended, but honestly I'll take what I can get!

3. Can I have a hug?

Same Saturday, I met Hannah at her place and we waited at another bus stop.  I told her about the MMM DAAMN guy and we discussed how this kind of thing happens to me too regularly and much more than it happens to others.  Right on cue, a homeless man approached.  He told us both that we're beautiful or something along those lines and then asked if he could get a smile or a hug.  Now, we're nice people but I'm not much of a hugger - my mother was lucky to get a hug when I left the country for eight months (because I'm not a hugger, not because I'm a bitch.... well...).  The point is, I don't just give them out to anyone.  I'm not even a cuddle-after-sex-kinda-girl, I certainly don't embrace strangers at bus stops.  Definitely not sober.

He was smiling at us and told us we had beautiful smiles (I never understand this one, I have the goofiest smile.. but whatever) and then he said "So.... can I get a hug?".  We both awkwardly argued that "We're not really hug people" and instead offered him a high five, which he was very grateful for and then he told us to have a nice day before he walked off and asked someone else the exact same thing.

This is when my friend turned to me and said "That was your fault. This wouldn't have happened if you weren't here."

I couldn't disagree...

4.  The 'rapper' with missing teeth, who was probably high and nearly got kicked off the bus

SAME FRICKIN' DAY.

This was when we were actually on the bus to downtown Seattle.  We'd been on the bus for less than ten minutes when a loud, probably high and homeless guy in his twenties sat down in front of us.  We were having a pretty deep conversation at this point (me and Hannah... not me and the homeless guy) and he kept shouting between us at the people sitting behind us.  My friend looked at me and again blamed me for the entire experience: "this would not be happening if you weren't here".  I was beginning to really believe her at this point, because everything is my fault, but we kept talking until more people got off and he moved behind us to sit with the friends he'd been shouting at.

Then he started 'rapping'.

I'm pretty sure he made up these raps himself, with semi-offensive, misogynistic lyrics, which we were trying really hard not to laugh at too obviously.  Then, out of nowhere, the bus driver just stopped and turned around to the back of the bus and shouted "GET OFF, NOW".  Everyone just stopped talking, because this man sounded furious and we slowly turned to the back of the bus to see what was happening.

The driver got out of his seat and charged down to the back of the bus.  These people were literally right behind us, so we just sat there really awkwardly as an intense conversation took place.  They started apologising, it transpired that they'd been opening an emergency exit on the roof of the bus.  Supposedly, they were trying to close it because it was open and they were cold, the bus driver was saying it shouldn't be open, the homeless people started apologising like Simon in the bus wankers scene of The Inbetweeners, and eventually he allowed them to stay on the bus.

Two stops later, they got off.  It's one of those big buses with exits at the front and back, and we were sitting near the exit at the back.  As he went to get off, he turned around to me and my friend and said "you two are absolutely stunning by the way, beautiful" to which I said "awwww, thanks that's so sweet", because I'm used to this by now and he continued to shower us with flattery until he and his friends exited the bus.

The funniest thing about it was Hannah's reaction, she just awkwardly stared at the floor until it ended and then told me that it's weird that I engage with these people.

I have to engage with these people because no one else calls me beautiful, OKAY?

5.  Wanna learn Spanish?

Is it a new day yet? No, no it isn't.  More than three strangers started talking to me/us within a couple of hours.

As soon as the rapper guy gets off the bus, a new friend got on.  Fortunately, we were only one stop away from our destination at this point, which by the way, was actually entirely the wrong place, but this is not a story about my incompetence as a navigator and we were only like a ten minute walk from where we were supposed to be..... so shut up, Hannah.

A short, overweight, homeless guy came over and sat adjacent to us, and obviously started up a conversation... because what else would he do in that situation?  Leave me alone? HAHA. No.

"Hey, you know Spanish?"

"What?"

"I'll teach you Spanish..."

"Ummm..."

"If you pay me, I'll teach you Spanish"

*guy starts speaking 'Spanish'*

"Oh...."

Then we get to our stop and fortunately, I'm pretty sure no one else bothered us that day.  Apart from each other... LOL JK HANNAH IS BAE AND COULD NEVER ANNOY ME.

6. Mark, who is apparently not a stranger, now that he's introduced himself.

The first five on this list all happened months ago and like I already explained, the list of weird strangers talking to me was way too long to include in one post, but then something ridiculously perfect happened to prove my point and I felt like it had to skip the chronological order I'd planned.

Picture the scene!  It's a beautiful sunny day and I'm sitting on the steps to one of the libraries at UW (with Hannah... because

ARE YOU KIDDING ME? - Okay, present time.  It happened again.  I'm going to just quickly finish this Mark story and then you can find out what happened half way through writing this, you following? No, me neither.

Okay, ANYWAY.

I'm sitting on the steps at the library with Hannah, because we're inseparable.  I'm writing my blog post about how strangers always talk to me, Hannah was reading a book and we spot a man across the square in a cowboy hat with a big camera and sunglasses.  Hannah said "he's going to talk to us, he looks like the kind of guy who might talk to us and I know he will because you're here and weird people always talk to you..."

I disagreed, because he was pretty far away and I'm an idiot.

Hannah was right.  He gradually edged closer, talking to students and stuff on his way and before I knew it he was sitting on the ground next to us.

He basically just asked if he could

Okay, I cannot get a break.  ANOTHER GUY JUST CAME OVER... Another human being literally just decided it would be okay to talk to me.  I'm just going to insert a photo of me here so you understand quite how unapproachable I look, kay: 

Headphones in, hat down, laptop out.  WHO WOULD APPROACH SOMEONE LIKE THAT?

Anyway, I'll just save this third guy for next time, but you see my problem, right? Help me, I'm too approachable.

So - back to the story - he asked if he could take some pictures of us studying because he works for UW and needed some pictures for... I don't know the school website or something.  I wasn't listening.  Whatever, I didn't really care, we just agreed and let him photograph us.  I mean, knowing my track record, he probably doesn't work for the university, it's highly likely he was just a weirdo who now has photos of me.

He asked what we were studying... because he thought we were studying, HAHA. But Hannah was just reading a book and I explained that I'm writing a blog post about how strangers keep talking to me...

This is when he introduced himself so that he wasn't a stranger anymore.  Sorry mate, you're still going on the blog. ;)

He took some photos, asked us loads of questions, let Hannah wear his glasses and asked me if I was Australian... because everyone in America thinks I'm Australian.  Then he left.  Then Hannah left, and I was all alone and vulnerable to two further strangers...

7. Is the library open?

OKAY. LAST ONE FOR TODAY.

There I was, writing about Mark, when an old man in shorts came up to me and asked what time the library shut.  I told him that I didn't know and he was like "okay, where are you from, by the way?" and I told him "London"... I don't even know why I went with London, because I'm not.  I usually just go with England, but whatever.

He wandered towards the library and I thought that was the end of it.

How naive of me.

Back he came, less than a minute later, to tell me the library shut at six.  There was nothing in my body language that suggested I wanted this to continue, but apparently that wasn't up to me.

He started asking me questions... many, many questions:

• What are you doing in Seattle?
• You're studying here at UW?
• What are you studying?
• Why?
• What interests you about it?
• What area of linguistics are you most passionate about?
• If you could learn anything about linguistics what would it be?
• Do you know any other languages?
• I'm just, I really like words because I'm a writer... What do you want to do afterwards?
• Why don't you know?
• Why don't you know if you want to be a writer?
• Do you like it here in Seattle?
• Where's your favourite place you've been?
• What did you like about Sydney?
• What did you like about Cape Town?
• Are you staying here or are you going back to England?
• What will you do after that?
• I'm from New York, have you ever been?
• Who did you go with?
• Did you like it?
• Where did you stay?
• Was it a good birthday?

Those are just the ones I remember, I'm pretty sure there were more.

Then, minutes later, a young student approached me and bothered me for a further five minutes.

I went home after that.